Play your own game.
- Nadine Rinderknecht
- Oct 16, 2022
- 10 min read
Updated: Mar 16
Understand how to stop competing in others' games and start designing your own path by focusing on your strengths and creating personalized rules that no one else can beat you at. All while managing the unpredictable turns of life.
Level: advanced
Content
Starting point
We live in a fairly individualistic society, at least in Europe. Nevertheless, many people seem to find it difficult to be themselves and do their own thing like innovating. However, if you play another person's game, they'll often be more successful than you. In the long run, this can lead to you no longer believing in yourself and giving up.
Focus less on other people and their success and more on yourself. Every person has great potential, but only a few make full use of it. Dare to be yourself and play by your own rules to become invincible – because no one can beat you at your own game.
Writing a post about "Play your own game" should have as many chapters as there are people in this world. All this article can do, however, is give you a general guide to a more independent, successful, and joyful life. What your game will look like in concrete terms is entirely up to you. In the end, even this general guide is an expression of my own game (especially the positive mindset). If even these general steps don't suit you, adapt them or create your own rules. Now, let's start with the first step.
Step 1: Explore your playing area
Your own goal sets the framework for the playing area. Consciously deal with it.
First of all, you have to determine what your game is about. What do you wish to accomplish? This can be a specific impact on society, getting a particular job, or achieving any other important goal that comes to your mind.
Be conscious about your goal. Many people avoid this because, otherwise, they would see when they fail. Don't be like the majority. When you set a clear goal, you can identify a focal point where you can direct all your energy. This increases the likelihood that you'll actually get there.
However, pay attention when choosing your goal. It must be your own and not that of your parents, relatives or "the society". No one has the right to set a goal for you, not even indirectly with (high) expectations on what you should achieve in your life.
If you're already quite sure what your goal is, break it down into several smaller sub-goals. This has the advantage that it looks less overwhelming and you know where to start. It might also be important to write down your goal on a piece of paper and place it in a visible place, e.g. in your room. This reminds you of your goal so that you don't get lost in details in stressful everyday life. Don't lose your focus.
If you're not sure what your goal is or if the goal is too vague, don't see this as a problem. It'll emerge over time. Also, have a look at Step 5 on "Connecting the Dots".
Step 2: Place yourself in the center of the area
There's only you, your goal, and your strategy. The people around you ("competitors") should only be considered if they inspire you.
Congratulations! You've now defined your playing field. But you'll see that other people on it have the same goal as you. Remember: It's your own game. Therefore, what other people do or think isn't important. Your eyes are focused on your own goal and your own way to get there. Consciously place yourself in the middle of the playing field and only look at the other players around you if they bring you closer to your goal.
From this perspective, the other players aren't "competitors", but simply people who can inspire and help you. Look at what the other players are currently doing or what they have already achieved. Often their steps are inspirational, as they wouldn't have crossed your mind otherwise. For example, I first read about the Certificate of Advanced Study in another student's CV. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known that it even existed and that I could already pursue it as a student. With this positive mindset, you can manage even the most toxic "competitive environments" (best regards to my former Law Faculty).
This perspective has two other advantages:
You aren't intimidated by other players: You aren't constantly comparing yourself to players at your level or above. If you consider other players as a source of inspiration, you'll even benefit from players who see you as their biggest "competitor". This means you don't have to feel threatened by other "competitors". You can even go one step further and help them (e.g. with a blog post 😉).
You don't get into a useless and energy-consuming competitive fight: You don't waste time and energy fighting other "competitors" without this also bringing you closer to your goal. This includes, e.g., trying to counter an emotional and unobjective attack with an equally unobjective counter-criticism (constructive criticism, however, is to be appreciated and bring you further). In such a situation, simply keep the following image in mind: You're jogging in the park and see a dog on the side of the road. You approach him and he starts barking. Would you stop, bend down to the dog, and start barking? No. You would keep running towards your goal.
Especially beginners often think that others are better and get frustrated. Stop. In such a situation you have to become aware of these harmful thoughts and think one more time: Whatever the others are doing, I do my own thing. And if I look at others, it's only to get inspired.
Step 3: Know your strengths and "strengths"
Know your game character.
Next, you need to know the character you have just placed in the middle of the playing field. What are your strengths and “weaknesses"? What opportunities arise from your strengths? What risks arise from your "weaknesses"? Write down the answers to get a clearer picture of yourself.
You'll have noticed that the word weakness is written in quotation marks. A positive mindset sees strength in what other people usually call “weakness". Ultimately, anything can lead to opportunities – you just have to recognize them as such.
This is illustrated by an example from product management: A broken tube can either be seen as a "weakness" or a bug. Or it can be seen as an opportunity and turned into a beautiful fountain.
Step 4: Improve your game character
You don't have to adapt. Just improve.
However, this positive mindset shouldn't tempt you to stop improving your skills. Remember: You're fine the way you are today. But tomorrow you could be better. So ask yourself which skills are particularly important for you to achieve your goal. And develop them further.
Note, however, the fine line between improving and adapting. In the first case, you walk your own way and simply aim to move faster. In the second case, you turn onto another path that isn't on your game. You should always improve, but only adapt if there's no other way to achieve your goal.
This post focuses on you – and not on specific skills. Nevertheless, for the vast majority of paths, it's tremendously useful to (also) improve these skills:
Ability to recognise opportunities: A positive mindset that recognises opportunities even in the worst cases helps you with any problem – because they're no longer perceived as problems. For example, you don't see a "failure" as the end of the line, but only a chance to get something even better. If you don't get that job, you'll get a better one. Or you'll start your own successful business.
Oral and written expression: That's a huge advantage in almost every important situation (e.g. job interview, motivational letter for university or flat, fundraising). If you can express yourself well, you're more likely to convince others and get what you want. To put it somewhat exaggeratedly: If you master the language, you can master the world.
Willingness to focus all your energy on one, small goal: As this method is highly energy-consuming, this tip doesn't refer to the general goal at Step 1, but to an (important) intermediate goal. For example, when I once applied for a job, I was told that I was pushing open doors. However, you never know in advance if the door is wide open or not. So treat every important door as if it were firmly closed and made of 2 meters of concrete. If you don't do this, others will – and they will succeed. It's more effective to put all your energy into a sprint than to do something every now and then – only to fail again and again.
Show more initiative: Don't wait for others to find you. Find others. If you put all your energy into it, you'll likely convince them about your idea – so they won't even have to start looking for other people. This applies, e.g., to unsolicited applications. You aspire to work in a particular law firm, but they have no open positions? Just apply and take that job!
Step 5: Create your own strategy
Life is unpredictable and things usually don't turn out the way you thought they would. Just walk your own path in this chaos and take opportunities as they pass by. Again, to be able to see these opportunities, it's important to embrace a positive mindset.
In Step 3, you have met your game character. Now you can focus on your strongest strengths and your greatest interests in creating your own rules. It's easier to seize existing opportunities than to change your personality. Analyse what opportunities your skills and knowledge open up for you. Always remember the image of the bugs and features above: If you know that you're leaking water, your goal might be to build a fountain. In this way, you might find your goal (scenario B below) or the next steps towards an already clear goal (scenarios A and C).
Scenario A: You already have a goal
Think of your rules as a combination of your own strategy and taking advantage of unexpected opportunities.
Do you already have a target? Great! Now create your own strategy (e.g., with a step-by-step plan) on how to achieve it. Always keep your skills, talents and interests in mind. This strategy will give you structure and make you more determined. But wait! There's something to consider... life.
The blue line is your plan that theoretically leads to your goal. And then life happens. Therefore, the yellow line is more realistic. Although it roughly follows the blue line, it's much more convoluted due to unforeseen turns. Plan and think strategically. And when life goes differently than planned, think in terms of opportunities and seize them. Both strategies and opportunities constantly alternate, ultimately bringing you closer to your goal.
More specifically, when carrying out a step of your plan, it may happen that...
you achieve nothing: Now at least you know how not to do it and can learn from your mistakes. See this additional knowledge as a gain. With a positive mindset, you can't lose. Next time you'll be better positioned to win.
you achieve something different than what you had planned: Try to see it as another step that brings you closer to your goal. It may even take you further than the opportunity you initially envisaged. Think in terms of opportunities. And when life goes differently than planned, think in terms of even more opportunities.
you achieve what you had planned: Even if something goes perfectly according to plan, you can still reflect on what extra opportunities it has opened up for you. Maybe you overlooked something when planning and now another door opens unexpectedly? There are many more opportunities than you might see at first glance. Some opportunities you only see in retrospect. Take advantage of them too.
Scenario B: You don't have a goal yet
Connect the dots! - Steve Jobs
You don't have a goal yet? No problem. Just be yourself and do whatever you like – as long as you learn and grow. Everything could be useful at some point. Consider them as pieces of a puzzle that will eventually allow you to put together your own, big picture. Or in the words of Steve Jobs: Connect the dots!
This passage is especially important (from 4:34):
If I had never dropped out [of college], I would have never dropped in on that calligraphy class and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road, will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path – and that will make all the difference. – Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Address, 2005
This is illustrated by the image below: Develop your personality and find your own "dots". With these activities, you develop skills and knowledge. In the future, you'll see that these dots were not worthless, but that you can connect them to create something unexpectedly big.
Scenario C: You only have a vague goal
Act with a combination of blind personality development and an open eye for opportunities.
Do you neither fall under scenario A nor B? Do you only have a vague goal? Then this tip is for you. Just do what you like and gather knowledge and skills as in scenario B. If you have learned something important, build a bridge to your vague goal: Ask yourself how you can use it to get closer to your goal. While personality development is blind, random and chaotic, opportunity recognition is done with an alert eye. In this way, you move steadily towards your goal, which gradually appears over time.
Step 6: Start playing your own game
Start creating your own rules today. Otherwise, you'll always remain one of billions of people. Remember: If you make your own rules, you can rule the world.
Congratulations! You've now completed all the essential steps to play your own game. You've defined your playing area and placed yourself in the middle of it. You've met your game character and improved it. And you've created your own rules. Now you only have to put it all together and play your own game.
Stop wasting your time playing other people's games! Start creating your own rules today. Otherwise, you'll always remain one of billions of people. Remember: If you make your own rules, you can rule the world.
Last but not least: Remember that you can't please everyone anyway. No matter what you do, some people will like you and others won't. At least please yourself.
Now, go and play your own game! 😎
Hello, I'm Nadine Rinderknecht
Founder of Blankpage. Experience in academia and law firms. Master of Law (University of Zurich) and other stuff.
Connect with me on LinkedIn.
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